Thursday, June 30, 2011

7 weeks

this was meant to be posted last night...but blogger was being stupid

It's 9pm...which may not seem late to any one else, but right now my body is confused and telling me it is 3am...I haven't been sleeping well (obviously). I should have gone to bed probably 2 hours ago...but I just kept thinking this day isn't over yet. And then I had the sudden urge to write this post. At this moment I'm anxious and I know I will cry, but it's time for me to put this in print...

7 weeks ago my sister passed away. There aren't words that can even describe the hurt and sorrow that I feel everyday, even while I'm sleeping my heart is so sad!

On August 25, 2010 (My parents 31st wedding anniversary) we found out that the spot on Randi's lung was a tumor...Cancer had made itself a home even though it was more than uninvited there. It had spread and she started treatments very soon after.

She put up as much of a fight as her body would allow...Randi IS a fighter, I would never expect less from her. But, she was obviously too good for this world and Heavenly Father wanted her home. She left behind her heart in her 4 amazing, beautiful, spectacular little girls. I think the thing that saddens me the most is that these girls wont get to laugh until they cry, have their hair french braided, or learn how to shave their legs with their Mom. These are things plus many many more that I got to do with Randi, that I hope to tell her girls when they need a piece of their Mom. Every memory that I have i hold very sacred to my heart and I almost feel like I don't want to share them with any one else, I almost feel like if I share them with other people it will be less vivid to me.

Randi is my sister...a sister is so much more than a best friend could ever be and nothing will ever fill the emptiness that I feel but I KNOW it will get better. I KNOW that I will get to see my sister again, we'll get to play catch and brush each other's hair. I KNOW she is with my future babies teaching them everything they will need to know and giving them a little bit of her. They know her. She is loving on them SO much right now, while watching over the four most important girls in my family's lives.

Randi I love you and I miss you everyday! There are days that I pick up my phone to call you, then I realize you won't answer...but I also realize you know what I would be calling you about and I laugh, just because you knew before I even had the thought to tell you! You always did know everything!!

And to all our family and friends...I have been 95% absent from the world and I'm sorry I didn't express my gratitude for all the love and support that was shown to us. But, please know that your love and prayers are getting me out of bed in the morning and continuing on with my life. It's helping me be an example to the rest of my family. I don't even know how to show you how much love I have for you! I am at a complete loss for words in this whole situation, and yet, I have too many words to say. Nothing would compare to what everyone has done for us and her girls. I am so incredibly grateful!!

Thank you Thank you Thank you