new normal

Today is one of those days that I would have called Randi.

I would have called her to tell her about going to the dentist to have a mouth guard made to hopefully stop my popping jaw. They had me do a bunch of weird things, then they put this pink stuff on my teeth and took prints of where my teeth touch. It looked like chewed up gum. They put this big metal thing on my face and measured me from ear to ear with a thing on my nose. I have a feeling I'm going to have one of those head gear things like she had when she had braces.

Randi was the person I would call about this. I would tell the story a little more dramatically than it actually happened and then we would laugh too hard to finish our sentences and we'd make up things that didn't happen at the dentist.

I always called Randi about medical questions...or just random questions. She knows everything...except when it comes to hair and make up, that's my specialty. That is what I would get calls about. We are the perfect balance of sisters...she is the smart on and I am the pretty one (haha she's laughing about that right now don't worry)

I use to ask my mom what I am good at...for example, Spencer can make anyone LOVE him he knows how to melt peoples hearts and people flock to him! AJ is good with money and numbers, he knows about investing and the best and cheapest way to do things. Randi is good at EVERYTHING! star athlete, made friends like Spencer, Smart like AJ..she was a chiropractor at 23...Me? I was never amazing at anything...I'm good at a lot of things but when I asked my mom what my thing was she told me "you hold this family together" and now it is all making sense.

Yesterday my bishop told me "life won't get back to normal, but it will be a new normal." and that is exactly how I feel right now. I can't call Randi today like I normally would have, but the new normal is this. I can write it down and remember what normal use to be and then bring myself back to the new normal. I'm living life in the new normal and it's starting to feel good.

7 weeks

this was meant to be posted last night...but blogger was being stupid


It's 9pm...which may not seem late to any one else, but right now my body is confused and telling me it is 3am...I haven't been sleeping well (obviously). I should have gone to bed probably 2 hours ago...but I just kept thinking this day isn't over yet. And then I had the sudden urge to write this post. At this moment I'm anxious and I know I will cry, but it's time for me to put this in print...


7 weeks ago my sister passed away. There aren't words that can even describe the hurt and sorrow that I feel everyday, even while I'm sleeping my heart is so sad!

On August 25, 2010 (My parents 31st wedding anniversary) we found out that the spot on Randi's lung was a tumor...Cancer had made itself a home even though it was more than uninvited there. It had spread and she started treatments very soon after.

She put up as much of a fight as her body would allow...Randi IS a fighter, I would never expect less from her. But, she was obviously too good for this world and Heavenly Father wanted her home. She left behind her heart in her 4 amazing, beautiful, spectacular little girls. I think the thing that saddens me the most is that these girls wont get to laugh until they cry, have their hair french braided, or learn how to shave their legs with their Mom. These are things plus many many more that I got to do with Randi, that I hope to tell her girls when they need a piece of their Mom. Every memory that I have i hold very sacred to my heart and I almost feel like I don't want to share them with any one else, I almost feel like if I share them with other people it will be less vivid to me.

Randi is my sister...a sister is so much more than a best friend could ever be and nothing will ever fill the emptiness that I feel but I KNOW it will get better. I KNOW that I will get to see my sister again, we'll get to play catch and brush each other's hair. I KNOW she is with my future babies teaching them everything they will need to know and giving them a little bit of her. They know her. She is loving on them SO much right now, while watching over the four most important girls in my family's lives.

Randi I love you and I miss you everyday! There are days that I pick up my phone to call you, then I realize you won't answer...but I also realize you know what I would be calling you about and I laugh, just because you knew before I even had the thought to tell you! You always did know everything!!


And to all our family and friends...I have been 95% absent from the world and I'm sorry I didn't express my gratitude for all the love and support that was shown to us. But, please know that your love and prayers are getting me out of bed in the morning and continuing on with my life. It's helping me be an example to the rest of my family. I don't even know how to show you how much love I have for you! I am at a complete loss for words in this whole situation, and yet, I have too many words to say. Nothing would compare to what everyone has done for us and her girls. I am so incredibly grateful!!


Thank you Thank you Thank you

im not maing a habit of this

i try really hard to make it a goal not to complain...i know that no matter what my circumstances are someone else is suffering worse than i am and i have no reason to complain.

but sometimes you just have to let it all out...

i am tired of bugs...in hawaii no matter how many times you deep clean everyone always has bugs...cockroaches, roaches, beetles, ants, mosquitos etc etc etc. i am so tired of it. ugh somedays i come home and want to scream then cry i get so frustrated because they will not go away.

ever since we got back from the mainland the hot water in the kitchen is way off. it will be nice and hot one minute then we dont have any hot water at all. then the next time we use the sink we have hot water for about 2 seconds then its gone

our oven has been being wierd for a while. it wont cook even. i know this because in the past i made perfectly golden cakes, cupcakes, and cookies. now i get stuff out and the center is dough but theouter edge is crispy. just tonight i made cupcakes the insides were done but no matte what i did the cupcakes in the middle wouldnt get gold and the cupcakes on the outer edge of the pan were turning brown. so i ended up with a bunch of sticky topped cupakes which are pretty dificult to frost with homemade nutella icing (tastes amazing but hard to get the right consistency...that was another temper tantrum ugh)

i want a dishwasher

i am so ready to go see my parents in maui in 2 weeks. im going to need it. and this time my husband gets to island hop with me and we all get to play for 3 days yay

2010 round up

I'm copying everybody else and posting all of 2010 at once...then I'll be caught up haha


JANUARY
January brought a new year. Bryce and I went to see Elton John, we spoke in church, and we were riding our bikes all over town!!

FEBRUARY
Our first married Valentine's day :) We saw the Beach Boys and Uncle Jesse, I also went to the Beach with miss AmyNicole and cleaned up, we tried to win tickets to the Kokua festival, but we weren't that lucky. We also survived a Tsunami!! It never really made it to Hawaii but we did have life packed up and we were outta here. and I got a new nephew!

MARCH
March didn't bring too much excitement. I applied to a new job and was keeping my fingers crossed that i would get it

APRIL
Happy Birthday to me haha. April was exciting. We celebrated my 24th Birthday, by eating huge pancakes and I swam with dolphins. I got the job at started working at Turtle Bay. Spencer came to visit! We went to the Kokua festival AND one of my BFF's came home from serving a full time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Peru.

MAY
We celebrated moms. I made my mom a gift and I have to say it was pretty awesome. My favorite oldest nephew also turned 4. and Ryan turned 3...this is insane

JUNE
We got to go to California for Jay's wedding. I got to hang out with my family. See the Newport temple. Reunite with my other 2/3's TRES HOMIES son!! I met Parker, saw Shawna again. We went to a waterpark with Bryce's family. It was definitely the summer break we needed. Cadie also turned 5 this month, it made me sad haha

JULY
Bryce's Grandma and Grandpa came to visit. Bryce's Mom and little brother also came to visit. It was an exciting month! We went to Turtle Bay to watch the fireworks and have a picnic. We have a little birthday celebration for Bryce. and I was officially transferred to the salon at work

AUGUST
My parents came to Hawaii to celebrate their 31st wedding anniversary on the Garden Isle and since I have 2 days off of course I crashed on the couch in their hotel! We kayaked up the Wailua River went on a hike, and just got to hang out! The day after my parents got home Randi was diagnosed with lung cancer, they made their way out to New York and we all started the war against cancer

SEPTEMBER
I don't think September is ever an exciting month. School was back in session so the grocery store was crazy, it slowed down a little bit at work and that's the most exciting thing about the ninth month of the year

OCTOBER
Spencer and Amanda came out to visit. We tried to spend some time with them, it was hard though they came the week of 10/10/10 one of the busiest wedding days of the year. but it was good seeing them!! Bryce and I celebrated out 1 year anniversary! We went to Kona for a weekend trip! We hung out at some beaches and took a bus tour around the whole island. We saw a volcano and hiked to our secret beach. We ate a lot of frozen yogurt and good food! We went to the Kona temple and did a session! The next weekend I hopped on a 13 hour flight to Syracuse New York. I surprised my nieces and got to be there as a late birthday present for Alyssa, she's a decade old now, weird. I went trick or treating and played games, snuggled and laughed, and made a few trips to the doctors with Randi to help her with her fight

NOVEMBER
The Laie Hawaii temple was rededicated! Bryce's grandparents came out again, we went to the dedication and later that week we went and did a session. This is probably the prettiest temple I have seen so far. The prophet was staying at the resort, and just knowing he was that close to me really make work enjoyable and everyday was a good day. But Satan was definitely working hard. That week we had more rude comments about members then ever. Thanksgiving we all got to have a family dinner and spend time together. Peyton turned 2 the day after I left New York and the day before Spencer got there.

DECEMBER
MELE KALIKIMAKA!! I love this time of year. The Christmas tress and lights. The Holiday music singing about Christ and his love and sacrifice for us being played everywhere you go!! We need to celebrate CHRISTmas more than once a year. Bryce and I woke up early opened our gifts and I went to work. After work we went to LeiLei's for our Christmas dinner. New Years Eve we went downt the street to a block party and watched the ball drop at Bryce's Aunt and Uncle's house (they didn't even show the ball dropping tho...)


Now it is 2011. I don't know what this year will bring but come what may and love it.

I'm hoping for (aka resolutions and other things)

To be healthier and in better shape
my family and friends to be healthy, happy, and safe
Randi to kick cancer's ass
I hope that we as well as you and yours have a WONDERFUL year...after all it started out a lucky year 1/1/11 how much better can it get?


sorry i didn't put any pictures once again I'm too lazy haha